Saturday, August 30, 2008

How to Act Like a Bridezilla

Are you the kind of bride who will punish your bridesmaids for failing to attend your fourth shower? Wreak havoc with your maid-of-honor for choosing the steak entree for dinner when you were pushing for the cheaper chicken dish? Rage against your husband-to-be for falling asleep during the seventh hour of rearranging the reception seating chart? If so, you are officially a bridezilla. This behavior is every bride's given right and an excellent way to cope with pre-wedding stress.

Create a detailed checklist of tasks to complete on each of the 384 days between now and your wedding day. Sub-divide these tasks into categories, and then assign all of them to members of your bridal party. You are the bridezilla after all, and you need to rest before the big day.

Micromanage your maid-of-honor and bridesmaids. Call them at least once a week to check if they've completed the wedding tasks you've assigned them. Berate them incessantly if they haven't, and threaten to replace them with other friends or relatives.

Write the DJ you've hired an exact listing of the songs you want played at your wedding. Specify the order in which you want them played. Threaten a lawsuit if he deviates from the list.

Select hideous yet expensive dresses for the members of your bridal party, and immediately dismiss as ridiculous all complaints that arise. The bride doesn't need to be upstaged on her wedding day by a sexy attendant in a slinky bridesmaid gown.

Insist that all of your female relatives, all of your fiance's female relatives and each member of your bridal party attend each of your five wedding gown fittings. Encourage them to clap as you emerge from the dressing room, so you can practice your grand bridezilla entrance into the reception hall.

Pick a fight with your fiance on the morning of your wedding. Even if he hasn't done something wrong yet, the day is young and he's bound to forget something he should have remembered.

Throw at least one tantrum during your wedding reception. As the evening wears on, guests might be tempted to overstay their welcome and run up the bar tab. A rowdy middle-of-the-dance-floor fight with your new husband should send them packing.

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